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A little snippet from the first section of prose in the Tal'verse. I have no idea if this is staying the way it is. It's a little rambling on purpose, to highlight how young he is, but also I feel like I'm not really getting where I need to with it. It seems to make sense to me, but I know the whole plot so I don't think that really counts. So it would be really helpful if you tell me what you got out of it so I can make sure it's working...

Pyc is known for naiveté and soft-heartedness. At least by the other Gods he is, anyway. He wouldn’t necessarily argue with the soft-hearted part (who wants a hard heart?) but he’s not so sure he’s naïve. He’s the youngest God, certainly, but if you compare him to humans he’s old and wizened. Then again he’s met humans more jaded than he is – children even! – so maybe he is just a little idealistic. But Pyc won’t try to argue that he isn’t soft-hearted. Not a pushover of course, or at least he’d like to think not, but compassionate as much as Godly possible.

Pyc’s job is to guide clean souls into the Underworld and care for them there. He also helps the seeds start growing. Ohdera makes the seeds, of course – Pyc won’t take the credit for that. But Pyc starts out their life, and he’ll be there at the end of it. Pyc loves his job but sometimes it’s lonely. And sometimes it’s unfair.

For example, what about the souls that weren’t properly blessed after death? Sekarhi doesn’t care for the schedules and dates of humans; she comes when it’s time, not a second before and not a second after. She doesn’t care if you’re all alone or if you have no family to see you off, she’ll kiss you whenever and that, quite frankly, is very unpleasant of her.

Not that her kiss is unpleasant in itself. But that’s another thing.

Anyway, because of Sekarhi’s tendencies towards inconsideration, it’s not all that uncommon for there to be an unclean soul here or there. Pyc visits them when he has the time. After all, there are no rules that say he can’t care for them; they’re just unable to pass through the Gates of the Underworld. And Pyc doesn’t see why they don’t deserve care just because maybe they were left all alone when they died.

Now, Pyc has his share of faults, but he’s not a liar and he’s not too prideful, so if he gets called out on one of them he’ll admit to it. Like the fact that he kind of picks favorites. It’s not really like he can help it – there are so many souls, and some of them just need him more than others!

So maybe he justifies, but at least it’s better than outright denial.

Regardless of his justifications for it, Pyc shamelessly champions the souls of children. It’s always a tragedy when a child dies. Sometimes Pyc wants to get upset at Sekarhi for it, but she can’t really control who’s up. When it’s time it’s time. Not even Jularian gets a say in that.

Pyc loves spending time with his children (they’re not really his but it won’t hurt anything to think of them that way). He plays with them and teaches them the things the living know that they never got to learn, and the things they never would have because only the dead can know them. The blessed ones he takes along with him in the spring and lifts them up to the ceiling of the Underworld so they can plant the seeds for him. Pyc kisses each seed and the roots begin to grow right away, and the children clap in awe and laugh.

Sometimes the other Gods make Pyc feel like a little kid himself, but when he’s with his children Pyc knows he’d make a good father if he ever was one, and that makes him feel wiser than the other Gods could ever think him.

Pyc has favorites among the children as well; usually the youngest, because they tend to need him more. The clever ones are the best, though. He likes to imagine what they would have become if they’d continued to grow. They make him laugh, or they make him think, and sometimes he ends up learning more from them than he could ever manage to teach in return.

Kempi is both clever and young. She died at nine years old. Pyc doesn’t know why her soul wasn’t cleansed properly – she’s told him the most wonderful stories about her family – but for a long time after he found her, wandering around lost, Pyc could feel just the slightest trace of Magic on her. Magic always interferes with other magic, even the magic of knowledge. Or the magic of love.

Kempi is Pyc’s favorite. Today is the three-year anniversary of Kempi’s death. Pyc knows this because her brother always blesses her grave on this day.

May the Lord of the Dead keep you forever safe, lead you to where you can belong, and Love your soul as we would, were you here. It’s a blessing everyone knows. They say the words and sprinkle seeds on a grave. They don’t always mean the blessing fully, or maybe they just don’t think about it too much. Pyc always breathes life into the seeds they sprinkle for him anyway, because whether or not their family are jerks shouldn’t decide if someone gets a pretty resting place or not. Kempi’s family always means it though, her brother sometimes more so than the others.

Sometimes Pyc wonders if he knows her body isn’t there.

So... you're hooked, right?


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 8th, 2011 05:09 am (UTC)
This is very interesting. You do very well telling the reader about Pyc, but perhaps try to show more examples . For example, you mention that he lets the children help him plant seeds. That would be an interesting scene to expand on. If you show him interacting with the children, the reader can see just how much he cares about them.

The cliffhanger, the cliffhanger! Why isn't her body there?
Oct. 8th, 2011 04:24 pm (UTC)
Lol, yes the cliffhanger. :P

Thanks for the advice!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )